Dating with Crohn’s Disease
Living with Crohn’s disease is like carrying an invisible weight that nobody else can see. It’s a chronic condition that affects the digestive system, but its impact goes beyond what anyone might expect. On the outside, I look like a healthy, energetic woman who could probably take on the world if I wanted to. But inside, my body is at war with itself. This makes dating and building meaningful relationships incredibly challenging. It’s not easy to explain the constant physical, emotional, and mental toll Crohn’s takes on me because it’s invisible.
One of the hardest parts about dating with Crohn’s disease is the social pressure to look attractive. When I’m in public or on a date, I often feel like I have to hide how I’m truly feeling, especially when I’m dealing with things like stomach pains, food anxiety, or exhaustion. I’ve found myself socializing and trying to seem normal to make myself more approachable, but in doing so, I suppress what my body is telling me.
Then there is the issue of gaslighting, something I’ve encountered in past relationships and even with family and friends. Under their own stressors, they take their frustration out on me by telling me to "just drink a cup of coffee" or "push through the fatigue," not realizing that my exhaustion is a deep physical depletion. It’s incredibly frustrating and leaves me questioning whether my struggles are valid, especially when people I love seem to think that I don’t care enough to try.
Over the years, I’ve had to do a lot of inner work to accept and cope with Crohn’s. I’ve spent years researching my condition, seeing doctors, and learning how to manage the emotional and physical toll it takes. I’ve discovered alternative healing like meditation, floating, and creative therapies to help me cope, not just with the disease but with the feelings of isolation that come with it.
I’ve also spent a lot of time working on building my inner strength and emotional resilience. I’ve learned that Crohn’s is part of my journey, but it’s not all of me. It doesn’t define who I am or the kind of partner I want to be, but it does mean that I need to approach relationships with more caution and clarity.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to take things slow and to set boundaries around what I need in a relationship, like rest, space, and peace. I’ve learned that I need time alone to recharge, and I’m learning how to express that without feeling guilty.
When it comes to dating, the most important thing I need from a partner is understanding. I need someone who can see past the exterior and recognize that I’m navigating a chronic illness every day. I need a partner who respects my physical, mental, and emotional capacity. That means being patient when I need to rest or when I’m unable to keep up with social plans.
I highly value someone who doesn’t see me as fragile or weak. I’m working hard to manage my health on my own terms. I want to be seen as strong and capable, even if there are days when I’m struggling. It’s important that my partner respects my independence and sees me as someone who is facing challenges with resilience and integrity.
One of the hardest things for me has been figuring out how and when to share all of this with a potential partner. It’s not something you want to talk about on a first date, but eventually, it’s important to open up about the realities of living with Crohn’s. I don’t want my partner to feel overwhelmed or burdened by the details of my illness, so I try to share it slowly.
Dating with Crohn’s disease is about finding a balance between sharing the challenges I face and maintaining my sense of self. I want a partner who is empathetic and understanding of my condition, but who also sees me for the person I am beyond my illness. I don’t want to be defined by Crohn’s, but it’s a part of me, and for the right partner, that part of me will be something they understand and accept. I want to continue growing strong in my journey, knowing that I can still build a meaningful, loving relationship, even with the challenges I face. I’ve also learned that I don’t have to go through this alone. I want a relationship where we can support each other’s growth while navigating both the beautiful and challenging parts of life together.
November 10th, 2024
